


Mercy (the rewrite)

by deans_samulet



Series: Sam's Support Brother [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Depressed Sam Winchester, Depression, Gen, Grieving Dean Winchester, Self-Harm, Suicidal Sam Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Temporary Character Death, Worried Bobby Singer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:54:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29224272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deans_samulet/pseuds/deans_samulet
Summary: Sam commits suicide, leaving his family to attempt to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Bobby Singer & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: Sam's Support Brother [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144199
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings contained in this fic are in the tags! Be safe and carry on.

Bobby Singer has been around the Winchester boys since they could even remember. He saw them as his own children in every way except for blood. He made his way to a bedroom and stood by the door, arms crossing his chest.

Sam was sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. “Hey, Bobby.” Sam has been distant from everyone lately. 

“Hey, Sam. I’m wondering if you’d want to go to the diner with me to get dinner.”

The younger man shook his head, “No, thanks. I’m waiting for a call from Dean.”

“Okay,” the older man walked up to him and ruffled his hair. “I’ll be back. If anything happens, call me or Dean. Okay?”

Sam nodded and faced him. “Yeah, I will.” 

Bobby made a mental note as he glanced at a folded peice of paper on the younger man’s bed. He frowned to himself before leaving.  _ Something seems off... _

* * *

Bobby was sitting at the counter when he felt a series of vibrations in his pocket. Pulling it out, he saw Dean’s name and answered it. “Hello?”

“Hey, Bobby, glad you answered.” Dean said through the other line. 

“Hey, kiddo, how’s it hanging over there?”

“It’s alright, I just finished the case so I’ll be home soon. How’s Sammy?”

The older man sighed. “I’m not sure. Something’s off, bud. He won’t eat, he hasn’t slept, and he refused to read,” he scratched his chin in thought. “He’s distant. All he’s been doing is staring at a wall.”

He could hear Dean’s breath hitch at the statement, “I’ll be back there and check up on him.”

And he didn’t miss Dean choking up.  “Dean, I’m sure he’s fine. He’s at home, safe. I’ll be there in twenty-to-thirty minutes.” 

“Alright. Just look after him for me?”

With that, Bobby hung up the phone and started tapping his fingers against the table impatiently. The time he had to wait for the food felt like an eternity until he was given a brown bag. He nodded his head in thanks and paid the waiter before walking back to his car. A hinge of a bad gut-feeling, he started the car and began driving to the house. He was probably going over the speed limit, but that never stopped Bobby from getting anywhere. 

The older man’s thoughts consisted of  _ go check on Sam.  _

**Half an hour later**

When the older man walked into his house, he noticed that everything in the house was clean. Not a single gram of dust was seen. “Sam?” He called before looking in nearly every room in the house for the younger man. 

Bobby approached the bathroom and knocked on the door, “Sam?” No answer. He banged on the door, “SAM!” The older man kept the rising panic at bay when he kicked the door down three times before it broke open, and what he saw was something he wished he never had the ability to see--causing him to drop the brown bag of food.

Sam was unconscious on the floor and his lips were white. He cringed when he saw an empty pill bottle and felt something stick to his hands as he looked down, only to see blood on the floor. 

Bobby didn’t hesitate as he rolled the younger man on his back and pressed two fingers on Sam’s pulse points. He sighed with relief when he felt a faint thump on Sam’s neck. The first thing he did was wrapping Sam’s wrists with whatever he could find. Immediately after, he lifted Sam over his shoulder and rushed him to the car, instantly taking him to the hospital which was a twenty minute ride--with following traffic laws. 

“Stay with me, you idjit.” 

\--

The second he pulled into the parking lot, he grabbed Sam from the passenger side and ran into the hospital. After the doctor and nurses took Sam into the ICU, Bobby sat in the waiting room alone with his self-blame.  _ Why didn’t I just make him ride with me to that diner? _

He dreaded calling Dean, but he knew he had to. He dialed Dean’s number and took a deep breath. 

“Bobby, what’s up?” Dean said, cheerfully. 

“Dean.” His voice broke. 

“Bobby? What’s going on?”

Bobby tried to keep his tears at bay, but his voice didn’t get the memo. “It’s Sam, Dean. Something happened…”


	2. Chapter 2

The second Dean heard Bobby’s voice, he knew that something terrible had happened. “What?”

Bobby’s voice was hoarse and broken. “It’s Sam. Something happened that I can’t say over the phone. I sent you the address.” 

The younger hunter’s foot pressed against the accelerator more and cleared his throat. “Bobby, please tell me he’s alive.”

“I don’t know.” 

Dean hung up his phone and started to speed towards the hospital and as far as he was concerned, traffic laws could go to hell. He took a deep breath. “Castiel, you have your ears on? I need you, man. It’s about Sam. I need your help, please.” When he heard a soft ding, he glanced at the phone screen with the address in plain sight. His knuckles were turning white as he had a stone-hard grip on the steering wheel. 

As soon as he arrived at the hospital, he didn’t hesistate to run inside towards the ICU waiting area and was halted by Bobby. “Where is he?”

“We can’t go in, trust me, I’ve tried.”

Dean’s jaw clenched. “What happened to him?”

“He took a shit ton of pain pills and lost a bit of blood,” Bobby said tearfully and wiped his face. “He flatlined twice. There’s a note for you. You should read it.” He handed Dean a folded piece of paper and excused himself to the bathroom.

Dean unfolded the paper and started reading as he fell into the chair.  _ It has to be some witch-induced nightmare, it just has to be.  _

**_Dean,_ **

**_I know you’re going to be pissed, but I’m sorry for how this will go. I mess up more than I should, and the ratio of me fixing things and messing them up isn’t one that I’m proud of. I know you’re tired and stressed over looking out for me; that’s my fault. I don’t see any positive reasoning as to why I’m alive. Promise me that you’ll let me stay dead. Promise that you’ll take care of yourself and Bobby. Don’t worry about me anymore._ **

**_You’ve been the best mother, father, and brother anyone could ask for which made regret even doing this, but this for the goodness of everyone else. I’m a leech, Dean. That’s all I am nowadays._ **

**_I’m sorry for giving up. I have lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. All I see is darkness. Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t know anything about this._ **

**_I love you, big brother._ **

Dean wiped his eyes after reading it and went outside to the hospital’s park bench. Covering his face in his hands, he finally let that scream rip from his throat. He felt his chest tighten at the thought of the possibility of living without Sam. He knew he couldn’t..deep down, it was impossible. 

“I have heard your call.” Cas stated, sitting next to him. 

“That’s great to know,” he turned to the angel. “What can you do?”

“Not much, but I will try to save your brother.”

Dean saw Bobby rush out the doors from the corner of his eye and immediately stood up. “Bobby, what’s going on?”

“Follow me, right now.” Bobby was near dragging Dean from the bench to the ICU window with Cas behind them. 

As they arrived at the window, Dean saw something he didn’t want to ever see. His baby brother was flatlining right in front of him. The last things he remembered was he was trying to break into the room and banging his fists against the window screaming in agony, calling for his little brother. 


	3. Chapter 3

As Dean began to come back from unconsciousness, he could tell from the walls that he was in a hospital room. When he was more alert, he turned to see Bobby staring at his feet. 

“How’re you feeling, bud?” Bobby asked. 

He shrugged, “Where is he?” His voice started to shake with tears. “Where’s my brother?”

The older man reached over and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry,”

Dean felt the color drain from his face and his heart drop and ache. “He’s--He...no…”

Bobby let out a shuddered breath as Dean shot up from the bed. "I'm sorry." 

“I need to see him. What room?” 

“21C.”

Dean couldn’t feel the floor below his feet or the glances that the nurses gave him; he only felt a sense of dread washing over him. The ringing in his ears kept growing louder until he stormed into the room where his baby brother laid. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think that Sam was asleep. “Sam,” he stuttered. He walked to the side of bed and sat next to him. “Rise and shine, Sammy.” 

He swallowed a sob before rubbing his little brother’s hair. “Dee-Dee’s here now. You’re safe,” he cried silently into his free hand prior to continuing. “Sammy, please. Don’t be gone. Stay with me, man--”

“Dean,” Castiel’s voice surged from behind. “We gotta go.”

“C’mon, kiddo.” Bobby said, hugging Dean from behind. 

The younger hunter cleared his throat and took a deep breath before standing to face Bobby, who stepped back. 

Bobby was fighting back tears, too. “I know I should’ve stayed home or made him go with me.”

“You should’ve!” The younger hunter shouted. “And I should’ve! I should’ve never fucking left!" He threw a punch to the wall, leaving a mark the size of his fist; he didn't care about the after pain of the action or anything else in the matter. He only wanted one thing: Sam to be alive, healthy, and safe. 

“Dean. let’s go home, we can figure everything out like we always do.”

“My home is gone.” Dean looked at Bobby with tears streaming down his face.

“Sam would want--”

“Well, he’s dead.”

Bobby looked down and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’ll meet you at my place, okay?”

“Sure.” 

~

There was no point in staying there now that Sam was gone. He felt Castiel lead him to the impala and let him; driving Baby without Sam by his side felt wrong and immoral. 

“Want me to drive?” Castiel asked softly. 

Dean nodded and stepped into the passenger side, instantly curling up against the window as the angel took over the driver’s side. 

“I’m sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump: One month later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All triggers are in the tags!

Home didn’t feel the same that he had lost his brother. He was walking through the hallway when he saw the blood stain (that couldn't be washed clean) on the bathroom floor and the empty pill bottle; he walked in and sat on the floor against the tub. Picking up the empty bottle, he heard something hit the floor and picked it up. It was the blade that Sam used. He would cry if he could, but he had no tears left to cry. “Fuck…” 

“He doesn’t want to be brought back, Dean.” Bobby said and walked in slowly. 

“Why would he leave us? Leave me?” He whispered.

The older man couldn’t answer as he bowed his head and shook it. After a solid five minutes, he answered. “I think he was fighting something that even we didn’t know about. He was drowning.”

Dean stood and went to the kitchen and grabbed a can of beer. He downed it in one gulp and felt the can crush from his hand. His vision blacked out for a split second before it came back. It was probably from the lack of food and sleep. Quite frankly, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“You’re killing yourself doing this.” Bobby said from behind. 

“So?”

“I know you’re angry and hurting--”

“Sammy killed himself because of me!” Dean shouted. 

“No, no he didn’t.”

“I was supposed to look after him, that was my job and I fucked up.”

“He died knowing that his brother loved him,” Bobby grabbed the crushed can that was cutting into Dean’s palm. “You need to eat and sleep, not drink yourself dead.” 

The younger man scoffed, “I’m fine, Bobby.”

Bobby took a deep breath and sat on the couch. “Dean, it’s been a month. You need to say goodbye to him.”

“No.” 

“Kid, I’m trying to help--”

“You can help by letting me go.” Dean said before leaving. 

* * *

The drink in Dean’s hand felt cold against his hand as he downed the first of many shots of whiskey. Castiel took the liberty to stay with him while he was at the bar for moral support. 

“How are you holding up?” Castiel asked, worry echoing his voice. 

“I’m fine,” Dean answered flatly. He grabbed the whiskey bottle and took a swig from it. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“Of course. That’s why you’ve been drinking yourself drunk for the past month,” the angel deadpaned before sighing. “I’m sorry.”

“Sam’s gone, Cas,” the hunter’s voice held no emotion as if he was some robot. “He decided to check out without me...that bastard.” 

“Dean--”

“Let me guess what you’re gonna say. ‘Dean, it wasn’t your fault’. Was that it?” 

The angel bowed his head as a silent agreement. “I’m sorry.”

Many shots and two bottles later, Cas was carrying Dean to the car and driving him to Bobby’s. He heard Dean’s pain behind the slurred speech.  _ This is about to get much, much worse before it gets better--if it will.  _


	5. Chapter 5

Bobby was cooking breakfast when he heard Dean walk towards the kitchen table. “Hey, kid. How’re you doing?” 

Dean shrugged, “I’m fine.”  _ I’m not fine. I can’t be when he’s gone. _

“Are you hungry?” 

“No.’”

The older man sighed and sat down across from Dean. “Kid, I hate to bring this up, but don’t you think that he’d want you to move on with your life? I can set you up with a hunt; there's some werewolves in Alabama."

“How can I do that, huh?” Dean’s voice wavered, cracking from the emotion. “How can I live with this hanging on my shoulders? You may be able to, but I can’t!”

Bobby reached over and squeezed the younger man’s hand. “I understand that this is painful, trust me, I wake up from nightmares over it. What you’re doing will only kill you.”

“Maybe, that’s what I want.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, Bobby, I do,” the younger hunter stated. “I’ve lost enough. I can’t take this and shove it down when I’m reminded everyday of what happened. I just--I don’t know.” He wiped his face to hide the watering eyes. 

“I already lost Sam, and I’ll be damned if I lose you too.” The older man said. 

Dean couldn’t look him in the eye, so he looked down at the table. “What am I supposed to do?” He covered his face and let the facade drop, his shoulders shaking as he quietly sobbed. 

The older man made his way over to the younger man and embraced him into a hug from behind. “Cope.”

* * *

Bobby left on a vampire hunt hours ago, leaving Dean alone in the cabin. Dean sat at the table, with a case of beer next to him, and started looking at old family photos. At every glance at the photos, he took a drink of the beer. “You had to check out, huh? Why didn’t I follow you?”

He felt the empty can break as it began cutting into his palm, but he didn’t bother to stop it from cutting his palm. Grabbing another can with his free hand, he opened it and started downing another one. 

“Dean.” 

Dean turned around to see Castiel and looked away. “Hmm.”

“Are you alright?” 

“Why are you here?”

“Bobby asked me to be here,” the angel replied, instantly removing the broken can from the hunter’s grasp before the injured hand. “You don’t need to be alone.” 

The hunter sighed. “Let me go, Cas.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I have enough grace to bring him back.”

Dean froze. “You can?”

“Yes, I’ll bring him here tomorrow.” Castiel said, rubbing Dean’s upperback. 

“Alright but Sam doesn’t come back, I will follow him.” _Or try to sell my soul...again._


End file.
